17 Feb 2011
National census proves that opinion polls are invalid
WASHINGTON – The U.S. Census Bureau today announced that responses to the set of opinion questions included in the 2010 national census prove that opinion polls, which purport to quantify public opinion by gathering data from small sets of representative individuals, have no basis in reality.
“We included these questions to validate opinion polls,” said Commerce Secretary Gary Locke. “Poll results are used to influence legislation, form policy, determine the networks’ fall schedules — the impact over the past few decades is enormous. Since the 2010 census was our opportunity to ‘listen’ to every citizen, we asked a few key questions that we could then evaluate against the more traditional phone polling results.”
Locke appeared distressed and befuddled as he read from his report: “Do you believe that the military’s policy against homosexuals serving should be repealed? 95% answered yes. Do you believe that the United States is a Christian nation? 17% answered yes. Do you believe that Paris Hilton is a good role model for young girls? 72% answered yes.”
Locke went on to say that the census questions send a clear message that nobody in Washington knows what the general population thinks about anything.
When asked for comment, Gallup.com declined to respond.